he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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