Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
