im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
