At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
