Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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