You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
