I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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