We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
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It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Help me help you realize you are a moron
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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