I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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