the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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