Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
