The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
