you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
