He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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