it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
