I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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