You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i think im in europe. pls send help
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
