i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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