dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
