There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
