I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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