Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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