He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
