i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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