you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
