I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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