Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
