the day after is always just damage control
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
