eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
