fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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