It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
