Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
