In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My penis needs a shock collar
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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