You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
