I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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