U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
zippers are such a cool invention
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
i think im in europe. pls send help
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
