Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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