Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
