HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
