She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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