i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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