Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
