How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
