I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
whose parrot is this?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
