Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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