i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize