return my video game
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
she looked like the before picture.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
