Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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