Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
