She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
