I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
