I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
