Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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