I heard we made out
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
