No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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