i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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