i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
