I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize