youre lurking in front of me
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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