You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.