I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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