new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
