I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
