i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
