you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
it's not cheating when I paid for it
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
