I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
