Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Ladies don't puke and tell
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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