i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
