so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
