I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Ladies don't puke and tell
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
