The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
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Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
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Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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