She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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