Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Let the clothes fall where they may.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
